The Stream of Consciousness Has Its Headwaters In My Mouth

A friend of mine from http://beta.drivewesaid.com posted this. At first we just thought he was passing on a funny he'd found elsewhere, but it's all his. Thanks, John T.!

Canada's plan for taking over the USA:

1. Send Celine Dion to Vegas. This will soften up their brains and make them incapable of critical thinking. Possible downside - Americans, after hearing her, become impervious to pain.

2. Poutine. Get them hooked. The mass case of hardening of the arteries that occurs will cause seismic vibrations that will likely set off the San Andreas faultline. While emergency crews are so occupied, we attack Duluth, Minnesota.

3. After securing our beachhead on the shores of Lake Superior, we move into the "Land of 10,000 Lakes" (note to Americans - Manitoba has 100,000, so pfffffttttt) and edit fishing license brochures, changing the proper fish names of "Walleye" and "Northern Pike" to their Canadian colloquialisms of "Pickerel" and "Jack". American sportsmen, with their massive weapons arsenals, respond to this confusion by rebelling against their government. The U.S. Army is called out to subdue the flannel-attired hordes.

4. While your Armed Forces are so occupied, we take the White House. If your President notices, we tell him that he has more important things to worry about, what with the threat of nucular attack, the War On Terrrrrr, and millions of Americans, hell maybe even brazillions, in danger back in Minnesota. If this fails to deter him, we give him a pretzel.

5. With the President so disposed of, we ply your nation with our almost-but-not-quite-legal-yet marijuana. Once everyone is adequately sedated, we legalize gay marriage. Like the religious right claims, this will destroy the traditional institution of marriage between one man and one woman. Formerly heterosexual Americans will rush to the altar to marry someone of the same sex. This will cause a boom in business in Las Vegas, pumping more money into the coffers of Celine Dion (see Item #1, above), who will then step up her campaign of mass braincell euthanization.

6. We wait 20 or 30 years, until your population dies out, due to gay marriage and its corresponding procreation difficulties. We march in, take over, add the letter "u" to all of our favourite words. The invasion is complete.

Don't think we haven't been planning this all out for years, or maybe even minutes...