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spidraThings have been stressful in my life so I've been doing "comfort reading". Harry Potter, in this case. I'm re-reading "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". I'm in the section where Harry is staying with the Weasley family and I realized how much I crave that sense of home and belonging. I had this feeling while I was reading that section and realized that that was what it was. I feel the same way when I read of the Murry family in Madeleine L'Engle's books.
My family is very supportive in some ways. And if it weren't for my family, I would certainly have spent some time as a baglady by now because my disability put me through some very scary times of poverty. But I don't really feel like my family *gets* me. I belong, but I don't belong. And I don't realize how much I crave that sense of belonging until I'm reading about a family like the Weasleys or until I'm talking with someone who talks about their family life and how supportive their parents were of their desire to be an artist, etc.
Most people I know who have this feeling have moved into being very satisfied with a family of choice they have created. I don't really have that. I have friends, but there's no one I'm comfortable enough with and close enough with and see often enough to qualify as my family of choice. I suppose I can chalk this up to the social quirks I have that have made it difficult for me to form the close friendships and relationships I crave.
It's funny that I feel out of place in my family. I'm the eldest. In a lot of cases, that would mean that the younger kids would have to fit into whatever mold I set. But I don't feel like it worked that way in our family. And although I share a lot of traits with my parents, there's a huge dollop of stuff they don't understand.
Still my family is important in my life and I think at least the oldest children feel a great sense of familial duty. Even when we don't *like* each other, we love each other. We will do favors for each other when asked because we're family.
It was an illuminating thing, though, realizing this feeling of not belonging. I didn't really know the strength of it. And it explains a lot about my relations with people outside my family. (Not to mention the appeal of fantasy literature to me.)
My family is very supportive in some ways. And if it weren't for my family, I would certainly have spent some time as a baglady by now because my disability put me through some very scary times of poverty. But I don't really feel like my family *gets* me. I belong, but I don't belong. And I don't realize how much I crave that sense of belonging until I'm reading about a family like the Weasleys or until I'm talking with someone who talks about their family life and how supportive their parents were of their desire to be an artist, etc.
Most people I know who have this feeling have moved into being very satisfied with a family of choice they have created. I don't really have that. I have friends, but there's no one I'm comfortable enough with and close enough with and see often enough to qualify as my family of choice. I suppose I can chalk this up to the social quirks I have that have made it difficult for me to form the close friendships and relationships I crave.
It's funny that I feel out of place in my family. I'm the eldest. In a lot of cases, that would mean that the younger kids would have to fit into whatever mold I set. But I don't feel like it worked that way in our family. And although I share a lot of traits with my parents, there's a huge dollop of stuff they don't understand.
Still my family is important in my life and I think at least the oldest children feel a great sense of familial duty. Even when we don't *like* each other, we love each other. We will do favors for each other when asked because we're family.
It was an illuminating thing, though, realizing this feeling of not belonging. I didn't really know the strength of it. And it explains a lot about my relations with people outside my family. (Not to mention the appeal of fantasy literature to me.)
