I'm in the horse lattitudes.

Many components in my life are not headed it a great direction at present. Yet when I try to muster the energy to deal with them, it never lasts very long. So I just sit here going nowhere in particular. Not knowing how to get a rudder and a sail and catch a wind to some pleasant destination. (Let's not belabor this analogy, Spidra.)

In my job, I have gotten to the point where I'm not very challenged anymore. I love where I work and feel very lucky to have landed a job in a progressive workplace that's a very short commute away from home. But once again I'm chafing at being in a low-paid and low-respect position when I feel I'm deserving of better. Hell, I kicked so much ass at this job for months. But now my boredom and disappointment has made me less productive. I'm not happy about that, but I'm having a hard time disciplining myself to continue excelling despite the lack of tangible recognition.

At home, things between my housemate and I aren't unbearable, but aren't comfortable, either. She blew up at me a couple months ago and never really apologized. When I suggested we talk about what made her blow her stack, she said she'd said all she needed to say. Which rubbed me the wrong way. So now I have as few dealings with her as I can. We hardly say two words to each other.

This situation has magnified the existing problems with the household because there are fewer positives to balance them. The house is great for holding parties and events, but I feel a pressure not to do that.

The one part of my life that is better than a year ago is my social life. I'm meeting new people on a fairly regular basis due to participating in Tribe.net That has brought its own ups and downs, but I find the positives outweigh the negatives.

The difficulty is since I'm not happy in many ways, I gravitate towards the social escapism even when I need to buckle down and do chores. I mean, I'll continue to be unhappy if I don't address some situations in my life.

What makes me happy right now?

Meeting cool people.
Listening to music.
Interacting with people online.
Dancing.

And that's about it.

I need to do something about this but I just don't know how to get things down to manageable bites for me and where I'm going to find the discipline to do unpleasant tasks. I tried tightening my dietary regimen this last fortnight. I was pretty good for a week and a half but when I showed no weight loss, I lost motivation. I've so far been unsuccessful at getting regular about workouts again and the heatwave this week has shown me how much harder that's going to get.

I wonder when the next wind is going to fill my sails.