First Day

Jul. 17th, 2008 04:08 pm
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Insomnia kicked in again last night. I probably didn't get to sleep until 4:30 am or so. Woke up at 8am, puttered, took a Benadryl, went back to bed. Woke up again at 3pm -ish.

Because I didn't plan this much, I wasn't prepared with a pantry that held only what I could eat. It was hard to stop myself from unconsciously grabbing whatever was around. Not that what's around is horrible...the kitchen table has tomatoes and unripe apricots from my garden. The issue was to be aware of what I was eating and making sure that if I'm limited in the types and amounts of what I can eat, that I'm choosing what will give me the "most bang for my buck". And also making sure I eat proteins before I eat anything that sends my blood sugar up. So I had half a small underipe apricot from my yard before realizing that it wasn't my best choice.

Breakfast wasn't much different than what I would have made before (I actually was making an effort to eat well...I just wasn't cutting out things like summertime ice cream) - scrambled eggs with garlic bulbils, purslane and rosemary. With a sprinkling of shredded cheese on top. But there's something about putting one's self on a regimen that psychs you out. I find myself craving something more now. And I probably would have had such a breakfast without feeling deprived before. But just the idea that I shouldn't have anything more for another couple hours makes me WANT more. Boo.

I started wearing my pedometer again last week. The minimum recommended amount of steps per day is 10,000. Here's how I've been doing (without making a specific effort to challenge myself...just getting in whatever the errands that day give me):

7/9/08 - 4620 steps
7/10/08 - 3239 steps
7/11/08 - 3679 steps
7/12/08 - 3518 steps
7/13/08 - 7761 steps
7/14/08 - 8224 steps
7/15/08 - 4097 steps
7/16/08 - 8579 steps

I feel a bit weird from the anti-depressant withdrawal (I don't have insurance anymore and the Primary Access Care Clinic cancelled my appt. without rescheduling so fuck them...) and probably from trying Benadryl to make me sleep. Well, and waking up in the afternoon, too. That's always weird.

I've got so many things I should be doing as well as things I want to do that I'm almost paralyzed trying to make the best choices. But I'd better get to it.
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I went to a fun hillbilly-themed party this weekend. I couldn't fit into my overalls (which used to be my dad's). So I wore the big Dickies I wear nearly every day (my new "fat pants") and put on a bandana and my gas station shirt. My friend Paula took loads of pictures.

With the surgery coming up, I was already looking at readymade meal options. Last time I had this surgery, I didn't feel like cooking or preparing food at all. I practically lived on cereal because it was the easiest thing I had. I was considering buying Medifast meals this time since I haven't had any immediately success with my 3 weeks so far of eating low glycemic PLUS it would solve the readymade thing. But I kept telling myself I couldn't be lazy, that I needed to save money. And that I could do that by using the crockpot and just eating less. But seeing the photos of me from that party disgusted me. So many of the women there looked so great and I look horrible because of this stupid Syndrome X Michelin Man physique. So I signed up for a month of Medifast. Even if I don't lose any of this damned weight, at least I won't have to cook while recovering from surgery.


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