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Several months ago I wrestled with designing something that would hide my figure flaws and accentuate what's worth accentuating. Unfortunately, I have no training in pattern drafting and a pretty bad mathematical mind. So while I could draw a good design, I couldn't transfer it to 2-D pieces that would assemble to what I needed in 3-D. And, unfortunately, I couldn't afford to hire a serious pro to do it for me. So the sketch and the initial attempts at making a pattern have just that much more clutter in my room.

As it dawned on me that I was not going to be able to avoid attending my brother's wedding no matter how torturous (and expensive) an event it will be for me to attend, I realized I was in real trouble as to what to wear. I'm fatter than my previous fat weight. I lost a lot of weight and kept it off for 3 years between 2001 and 2004. Though I was loathe to sell/give away my "fat clothes", after 3 years I figured I'd finally vanquished this problem I'd developed in adulthood. So I gave away my custom fat cheongsam. I gave away my corset and got a smaller one. Then I gained it all back plus 15 more lbs. Figures.

I wear irregular Dickies I get on sale from Longs Drugs. I wear XXL and XXXL t-shirts. And that's my uniform. I don't like how I look in them, but I don't have the $ to buy anything tailored and I haven't had the strength to sew for a while.

I finally bought a fitted bra this week. I went bra shopping at Nordstrom last week and couldn't find a good sports bra that would fit me. Even when I'm "skinny", my chest cavity is 38" around...it's now like 41". But the biggest problem is the straps. They're never long enough and cut into my shoulders. So I ordered one online. Got it today and it fits reasonably well. But bras are expensive enough that I can only afford the one right now. I'll have to get along with shelf-bra camisoles as I have for months. The sports bra is to be able to exercise without adding stretch marks.

SO...dress to wear to the wedding. I thought about actually hiring someone for the pattern drafting but I would probably have had to spend my entire budget just on them and have had nothing left for fabric and notions. So...another plan. Empire waistline looks reasonably good on me, but my problem is that even though my breast cup size has grown with the weight gain, the size of my upper abdomen has grown even more. And it's embarrassing as hell. How to emphasize the breasts without drawing attention to the gut? I realized that the Korean hanbok might be a solution. The dress is voluminous and hangs from the breasts. Attention is drawn to the upper body by the chogori/jacket. My shoulders have been rolled for years so my shoulders are nothing to show off. No halter dresses, no spaghetti straps. Plus my upper arms are nothing to be proud of right now. So the jacket solves all that. I have to hope the weather in LA in late Sept. is cool enough for me to wear the jacket the entire time.

I went to Discount Fabrics first. The bright striped dupionis I remember seeing before are totally gone. I hate fashion. You can escape it somewhat by learning to sew, but the available sewing patterns, available colors and available fabrics are still enslaved to fucking fashion. So I held off 'til I could see what's at other stores but I called around to Piedmont Fabrics and Stonemountain & Daughter and they said they didn't have any. I thought about sewing some silk ribbons together to get the stripes I wanted, but it was just more work and I would have to order the ribbons online without being able to feel the weight and quality of them or seeing their real colors. So I walked to Discount Fashions and put together what I could put together. Even that took a while because not all the 2-way dupioni was available in the colors I wanted. I contacted Folkwear and got them to break down the yardage separately for the chogori and the chima/dress, which they don't do on the package.  However, I still had to guess on yardage because I'm going to have to construct stripes in the sleeve fabric  (stripes aren't a fat girl's friend, but they'll work in the sleeves and I saw sleeve stripes being used a lot in various traditional hanbok I saw online).

$106.44 and I haven't even started sewing yet.  I consoled myself with the thought "At least it will be what I want instead of settling for whatever's off the rack that fits me", but I had to remind myself it couldn't truly be what I wanted because I was limited by what fabric is in style right now.  I wish I were physically able to weave my own fabric.  I really chafe to transcend the constrains of what's "fashionable".
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No quantity but quality. I've been very very good about my low sugar regimen, even at times when I've been stressed. But I went to Berkeley Bowl right after a disastrous therapy session and gave in. 100g of Ragusa hazelnut praline bar. First ingredient on the label? Sugar.
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I didn't have big plans to watch this. While I'm pro-Obama, I'm not real excited about it. He's got promise, but I'm turned off by how mainstream he was up until the point that he responded to Rev. Wright. That was one hell of a speech. Anyway, yesterday I decided on a whim to check out the coverage on CNN.com (I don't own cable).

Though most Americans get bored with watching conventions, I think they're still instructive. It's one of the few times you can see something political without the media companies editing the hell out of it. Of course, the party edits itself well enough to make up for it. It's a very slick affair. I miss what I never had: floor fights, platform planks, and actual determinations being made by delegates.

Still, it's an instructive thing. I wish I'd checked yesterday to see whether KPFA had coverage. I've gotten out of the habit of listening to KPFA because I'm asleep when their issues programs are on. And the weekday afternoon music programs turn me off. But I don't think there's a political pundit in this country who can beat Larry Bensky. He's done excellent work. Just now I saw that they're doing coverage but it doesn't jibe with the visuals I'm seeing on CNN.com

Anyway, if you're interested in oratory and performance, it's worth a gander. Most speakers have a style that many people pick up in school: get through without flubbing words, declare, declare, declare. It's pretty robotic. Now, it's a tough room. Think of what a barn that place is. Think of how hard it must be to get people's attention in stadium like that! The big names have an advantage. If you're a small fry, it's a struggle to really connect among an audience that's milling, on their way to the restroom, thinking about how much food costs at the snack bars... Yet I listen and I think of how much better it would be if these people would memorize the major points of their speeches and speak off the cuff. But it's never going to happen because they're too worried about someone going "off-message" at best and of making a terrible gaffe that the campaign will have to distance itself from or disavow. Oratory suffers for this.

I have to admit my memory is not what it used to be so I'd want to rely on the TelePrompter, too. But you don't have to be a slave to it. You make eye contact with whoever you can make it with. You throw in ad libs. You speak in a way that's a bit more natural instead of this canned cadence that most of the speakers have.

How long has it been since you've seen a barn burner of a speech? Esp. from someone who didn't have the audience in his/her hand by virtue of who they were. God, it's been a long time.
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Your result for The Perception Personality Image Test...

HFDS - The Coach

Humanity, Foreground, Detail, and Shape

You perceive the world with particular attention to humanity. You focus on what's in front of you (the foreground) and how that is affected by the details of life. You are also particularly drawn towards the shapes around you. Because of the value you place on humanity, you tend to seek out other people and get energized by being around others. You like to deal directly with whatever comes your way without dealing with speculating possibilities or outcomes you can't control. You are highly focused on specific goals or tasks and find meaning in life by pursuing those goals. You prefer a structured environment within which to live and you like things to be predictable.

The Perception Personality Types:


Take The Perception Personality Image Test at HelloQuizzy

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I remember when I first heard the term "politically correct" in 1986. More than 20 years later, even progressive l'il me is heartily sick of it and the mindset behind it.

The East Bay has been plagued by a gaggle of takeover style robberies of restaurants. It actually started even earlier than the papers are saying because there were a number of takeover style robberies targetting Asian restaurants earlier this year. I don't think all of these robberies are being committed by the same people. I think there are copycats out there.

Last night, The Nomad Cafe on the Berkeley/Oakland border was robbed this way. I found out through an email by the owner to the neighborhood association list (for the neighborhood association in southernmost Berkeley). He gave a description of the perpetrators that mentioned their height and weight and how they were dressed. That's all. This is common in reports in the San Francisco Chronicle. What people read between the lines is that the perpetrators are African-American. They know this because the person doing the reporting is scared of being labeled a racist if they simply report the facts, esp. as part of a description that one would hope would help people to call in tips on the perpetrator/s. If the perpetrator were of Latino, European, East Asian, South Asian heritage, etc., it would be mentioned. So when it's not mentioned, people know why. IT IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS.

How good would you be at calling in tips on possible suspects if this were the description??:

6 feet tall, weighing 150 pounds, wearing a dark sweatshirt and black jeans
5 feet 4 inches tall, wearing a dark sweatshirt

This mindset is killing Berkeley. It's already killed Oakland. Fuck Political Correctness! Save the fight for real examples of racism. There are many true incidents of racism that need to be spotlighted and eradicated. Spending time censoring things simply because people want to live in a fantasy land ignores the real issues. And creates an atmosphere where useful dialog on genuine racism is hard, if not impossible, to have.


Aug. 18th, 2008 01:59 pm
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Not only did I pay down my credit card debt this week (shamefully, it's the second time I've made the mistake of running it up), but I just checked my credit card reward points and I have enough for an international flight. I really wanted to go this summer but one advantage of finally getting the points in autumn is that I might be able to find a flight I can afford (this reward has a limit of $800 value).

I've also been good ever since about paying each credit card charge down the day I run it up.
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My aunt wrote me and, in passing, mentioned that she hoped the fitness regime was going well. I don't think she checks in here so it's not like writing her will reach her, but it reminded me that it's time for a check in. I have been very good about the dietary regime. Not perfect but very good. The imperfection is mostly brought about by the fact that I'm broke and I can get a lot of meals out of a $1 bag of Picante handmade corn chips. Eating meat or even eggs is not only more time-consuming in prep but much more expensive. Since my income is a private disability insurance check and it's in the air whether that will last, saving $ is kind of important.

However, I've been very good and disciplined for the most part. My dad was just visiting so we went out to eat a lot. No matter that the temptation was satanic, I resisted it. No créme brulée. No beignets (even though I'm curious to taste them because I've never been to N.O.). No chocolate cake. No chocolate malt. The only place I've been less than perfect is in occasionally letting starches such as corn chips pass my mouth. But only occasionally.

Anyway, I've deprived myself quite a bit. And the result? Not a single pound lost. This is why my attempts to get back on the wagon since 2004 have failed. If I'm working hard and being disciplined and not seeing results, I start asking myself why the hell I shouldn't just eat what I want. I mean, I'm going to be fat anyway, right?

I have not been good with the exercise regimen. Hard to say why. I've been wearing my pedometer and getting walks in a bit more but not dramatically so. Haven't started my DVD thing because my living room here is much less conducive to exercising in front of the screen than the place across the street. Then there's the worry that as I get more housemates it will be more disruptive for me to be exercising in the public space. I walked a bit more when my dad was in town and I even biked with him. However, the increased physical activity (including a lot of trying to de-clutter the house to show people, cleaning and doing dishes) has made my RSI worse. I spent the last 2 days sleeping more than usual due to the pain.

I haven't taken my measurements but I'd be willing to bet they're the same.

I'm disappointed that I haven't lost a thing but it's true that it's important for me to eat low-glycemic all the same. I'm a perfect candidate for Type II diabetes and I need to watch my step. Speaking of steps, here's my pedometer record. August 9th is the day I went for a walk with my dad as well as biking and walking again:

7/24/08 - 5861 steps
7/27/08 - 9381 steps
7/28/08 - 4740 steps
7/28/08 - 3009 steps

7/30/08 -5123 steps
8/1/08 - 4533 steps
8/2/08 - 4078 steps
8/3/08 - 4038 steps
8/4/08 - 6520 steps
8/5/08 - 10354 steps
8/6/08 - 10354 steps
8/7/08 - 6104 steps
8/8/08 - 8764 steps
8/9/08 - 13571 steps
8/10/08 - 7128 steps
8/11/08 - 9864 steps
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I am not and have not really been a fan of televised sports. But I always loved the Olympics as a youth. We all got so excited about it. I think it was the only form of obvious patriotism I've been enthusiastic about. I'm not entirely sure how I became so romantic about it. I just loved the idea of amateur athletes contesting with the best of their field from all over the world. I loved that we see and hear about countries that never get coverage in the US press. I loved the different cultures and the stories of the athletes meeting each other and making cross-cultural connections.

The doping by East European nations didn't make me feel too bad because while I've never been as conservative as the majority of this country, I certainly bought into the idea that you couldn't expect Eastern Europe and the Communist countries to play fair. So it didn't really count to me. Everyone knew they were cheating. What REALLY killed my idealism about the Olympics was the year the US sent the "Dream Team". Sending professional athletes is against everything the Olympics are supposed to stand for. I stopped watching or following the Olympics.

This year would be much the same except that this morning I saw the still photos of the Opening Ceremony and it just looked mind-blowing. Olympic Opening Ceremonies normally bore the hell out of me. Kinda like the interpretative dances at the Oscars... But I was so impressed by what I saw in photos that I found myself really looking forward to viewing the ceremony. So I tuned in. I was out to dinner with my dad so I probably missed all the stuff I wanted to see. Right now I'm watching the Parade of Nations. And I find myself feeling touched again. I love seeing all these nations, particularly the small nations, and seeing their athletes' national pride. There are very few nations I feel resentful of when I see them in this Olympic truce. And even with the nations I *did* feel resentful of (like the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia), I could remind myself that I wasn't seeing the politicians, I was seeing people. Just some athletes. And in a lot of countries where the Olympics isn't big business, the athletes are not all THAT far removed from average citizens.

I find myself getting sentimental again. There was a point when I was really young that I nurtured a fantasy about making the Olympics as part of a US soccer team. And tonight I remember that fantasy and the desire to meet all these people in the Olympic Village. The fantasy of a sort of free port, a truce, a bit of neutral ground where people could meet people from all nations and just celebrate being together.

It probably never was. It's probably a fantasy I made up in my childish brain but it still has a powerful hold on me. I'm a glass half empty person, I'm (sadly) a pessimist, and there are many days where I think that human nature ISN'T basically good. But then I can get all misty and sentimental about something like this.
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It's starting to get harder to remember what I've taken since my doctors have switched me around quite a bit in the last 3 years. I first took any kind of anti-depressant in 1993, I think. After much resistance to the idea.

Zoloft - I was tried on it but it whacked me out so badly with speedy side-effects I had to stop.

Effexor - The main one I used before I gave up anti-depressants in 1996 or so.

Trazodone - Taken mainly to counteract the tendency Effexor had to keep me up at night.

Effexor XR - I took this when I had to crawl back to the anti-depressant pushers. I thought it would be the same as what I took before. It wasn't. Strong speedy side-effects I found unacceptable. I gave it up after a fortnight or so.

Celexa - What I ended up on for a while after the Effexor. And returned to after Cymbalta.

Cymbalta - Worked reasonably well for me but I had to give it up when I got the layoff news. It's still under patent and thus prohibitively expensive.

Right now I'm on nothing and have been on nothing for almost 3 weeks. Yet I'm still having withdrawal symptoms.
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Well, I "remembered" another one, thanks to the SF Chron's Day in Pictures:

"There is no Dana; There is only Zuul."


Jul. 29th, 2008 02:52 pm
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I scored almost an entire bolt of blue/green velvet off oaklandfreecycle today!!! I can't believe I wasn't beat out by tons of others!

If I weren't so big these days, I'd have plenty of ideas of what to sew with it but I'll have to give some thought to it now. I definitely need a formal dress. If for some reason I can't get out of going to my brother's wedding (I love him but interactions with my family this past week have stoked the suicidal feelings so much that I don't think it's a good idea for me to be around them), I might make a dress with this stuff.

Addendum: I've been trying to roll it back on the bolt (it was mostly off the bolt and twisted around itself) and I'm getting even more excited. Though my hands/arms are killing me from the work. The color is actually complex and VERY GOTH. The velvet was woven into a Caribbean sea green background. The color of the fluff fabric is a purplish-blue. So when you look at it draped, it shows black, purple/blue & Caribbean green. So damned cool! and I've got nearly an entire bolt of it so for once I can choose a project that requires an extravagant amount of yardage. I might even design a dress with bias-cut.
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I think it was a Buffista who first turned me on to the essay "Hack Yourself". It used to be on the Blood Letters site but I was just revisiting my Firefox bookmark and it looks like it now has its own domain (and a background that is less literal about hacking yourself... I actually like the old bloody background). I was going to Digg it and was surprised it hadn't been Dugg yet. So I did that. Anyway, I'm reading it again. Because I need to.
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Doing well on the dietary regimen. Not doing well on exercise.... I'm in semi-withdrawal from sugar but I don't think I'm all the way through "induction" because of that powerful craving I had today. I will probably always be psychologically addicted to certain high-glycemic foods. But the physical addiction actually stops after a couple weeks of not eating sugar or starch.

I wish I had noted when I took my last bit of anti-depressant because this has been an extraordinarily long withdrawal. For those of you who have never taken anti-depressants, they not only come with a host of side-effects but they have rather annoying and sometimes dangerous withdrawal symptoms. Because you *are* becoming habituated to them. Funny how that's bad when it heroin but it's somehow good if it's an SSRI.

I knew I couldn't afford COBRA so in March I switched from Cymbalta (which is still under patent) to Celexa (which isn't). I had taken Celexa before and didn't remember a lot of side-effects. Unfortunately, whether it was that I didn't remember or whether my aging body now took it differently, I had horrible nightmares with Celexa. Really fucking disturbing ones. And I'd wake out of a deep sleep convinced I'd heard the doorbell ring , go to the door and find noone there. This happened repeatedly. But I stayed on Celexa because I didn't have good healthcare anymore and what could I afford? For some reason, my UC doctor wrote a short prescription with no refills. I was supposed to have been able to get a new one from a doctor at the Primary Access Care Clinic but they cancelled my appointment the day of the appointment. And I've been so pissed at them that I haven't rescheduled.

So...the pills were running out. So over time I cut down to a half dose. Then a quarter dose. Then nothing. It's been two weeks now and I still have the whooshing sound in my head, the little lightning bolt feeling in my brain and tongue. It's annoying as hell and makes you worried you will faint if you get in any strenuous situation.

Maybe my recent upsurge in depression is due to not taking meds, but I'm not sure that's it. You see, I was able to have days of the same dire depression even when I was on meds.

Anyway, I thought I'd write this withdrawal experience down because I don't think people who haven't taken anti-depressants know how serious they are. They really mess with you.
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"That's Not Me" came on my Last.fm stream this afternoon and I could relate to the lyrics more than ever. I found myself thinking "Gee, if only I'd been more musically talented than I am, I could be like Brian Wilson. I could be fucked up from my upbringing, haunted by demons, and people would still love and admire me."
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I should probably have the patience to build this entry. That is, since I'm having trouble remembering all the things I need to remember, I should just take notes and post the entry when I have more. But I'm not known for my patience, so here goes.

What movie quotes have made it into your vocabulary? Not just "What are your favorite quotes?" but what movie quotes actually make it into your writing and conversation with friends and family? My family tends to work Mel Brooks quotes into a lot of things, though I can only remember one right now. Below are the two movie quotes I can remember right now (which distracted watching a documentary on bears) that I genuinely use in conversation:

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.

Baby, please! I am not from Havana!

What quotes do you and yours use?
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Eating plan still going well although I fear that keeping off of refined sugar is driving me to eat more fruit per day than I might ordinarily do. The only reason I'm letting myself get away with that is that it's SUMMER. My garden has fruit I've waited all year for.

Exercise not going quite as well. I racked up some higher step days recently but today I didn't even set foot outside. I was up 'til 8am and am now right back in the clutches of that really awful insomnia that makes me feel otherworldly. And not in a good way.

I tried to keep my spirits up by joining the millions who hit YouTube to view "The Last Lecture" today. I had never heard of Randy Pausch before I heard of his death today. But his lecture is justly famous.

Another person with a terminal illness who is well worth reading is Carla Zilbersmith. I read the SF Chron article about her and I've been reading her blog ever since. Would that I had the optimism, wit and drive these folks have/had.
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I am not the biggest fan of kids. I know where a lot of my issues with kids come from so that's good, but I try to keep to a child-free world as much as I can. It's just easier that way.

Coming as a total surprise to me, the housecleaner I hired to do a one-time clean-up brought her child. She had brought her (also unannounced) to the estimate but I hadn't expected her here today. Given that the housecleaner was an hour late and had not called to tell me she was late, I wasn't thrilled.

However, her kid is really cool. I liked her when I met her last time. Wish she'd ask before messing with things, but she's a really bright articulate child. I de-cluttered as best I could before the housecleaner arrived but I hadn't gotten everything. I thought I'd probably need to work alongside her to move things and to clarify things that shouldn't be tossed. But figuring the child would be bored hanging around a house full of vacuum noise, I told her that I had a big backyard garden and that she was welcome to hang out there if she'd like. She was happy to do that.

I meant to only go out for a moment to orient her to the surroundings but she was clearly really interested in plants and growing things so we ended up spending 2.5 hours together in my backyard. We talked about the plants and about her school and how things are. I really had a good time. So even though, yes, she picked things without asking (some of which I was saving for me!), I just couldn't get that mad about it. It's so nice to see a kid who is that mature (she's actually a couple years younger than I thought she was), that interesting and interested. Wish we had a lot more like her.

After going around asking me what this and that plant were, we ended up taking some pot-bound tomatoes and peppers and planting them. The tomatoes were 'Black Krim', a Russian heirloom tomato. When she heard that, she said "I love Russia! You know why? Because Anastasia was from there." She proceeded to tell me a bit of the plot of the animated movie (which I haven't seen yet) and I told her, well, they got it partly right...and then I told her in fairly simple terms about the Bolshevik Revolution (VERRRRY simple since my US education on anything to do with communism and socialism isn't that good). She took it well. But how cool is it when an 8-year-old says "I love Russia because of Anastasia"?

We talked about girly girls, the stupidity of the association of colors with a certain gender, tomboys, Brazil, identity theft, nightmares, the dangerousness of Hilltop Mall, Charlie Chaplin... She had me sing the various songs that are on a room divider I have that has vintage sheet music on it. I had to explain the concept of notation to her when we got to songs I didn't know (and couldn't read). When I found out she is Brazilian (like some of my siblings), I thought I'd burn her a CD of Carmen Miranda and other Brazilian stuff I have. She watched a couple Carmen Miranda tunes with me on YouTube while I burned my stuff to disc. Then I told her I was going to play her something that was from Scotland AND Brazil and played her a bit of MacUmba. By this time her mother had finished cleaning and was saddling up to go. The kid said "Next time I see you, you HAVE to burn that Scotland thing to CD for me!" I hope to god I've turned the kid onto Carmen Miranda. That would be super-cool. Just in time for the centenary of Carmen Miranda's birth in 2009.

I sent her home with some Nigella damascena seeds, some snow pea seeds, and a 'Black Krim' start.

I had a really good time.
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Insomnia made it such that I was dead asleep when Laura arrived at my house to get a ride to see The Dark Knight at the Grand Lake Theater. I didn't have time to fix breakfast unless I wanted to grab an Atkins bar. But since I'd eaten mostly those in the last 48 hours, I wanted something real. We got to the theater early and the designated ticketholders weren't around so I went to the KFC nearby and got some chicken. I had them keep the biscuit since there was no way I could get 2 pieces of chicken and JUST chicken.

I was finishing up the chicken when my friend Mike arrived. He politely said "You asked for help...I'll just point out that KFC probably isn't the best thing" I told him that I wasn't cheating. The worst thing about the chicken would be the flour in the batter. What I need to watch more than anything else is my blood sugar.

I have some friends who watch fat much more than they watch sugar. In fact, you have to be careful because a lot of non-fat or low-fat foods make up the difference by adding more sugar (in different forms like dextrose and other "ose"s). I'm not saying that eating tons of fat is the way to go. But fat doesn't shoot my blood sugar up and start the insulin resistant cycle of sugar high - crash - ravenous hunger for more starch/sugar.

People and their bodies are different. So if watching fat is the main thing for you, that's cool by me. But try to remember that if my choice is between popcorn with no butter and KFC, it's the KFC that's actually going to better for me in my particular situation.

I really appreciate that he had it in mind to look out for me, though.
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I have been keeping a food diary here but hiding the entries because I don't want to bore the bejeesus out of y'all. I have been doing more stretches but I haven't yet launched the full exercise program yet. Part of the problem here is the continued insomnia. It is BRUTAL. When I get in bed at a decent hour, it never fails that I wake up merely 4 hours later and can't get to sleep again. I'm awake but not rested.

Today I was up into the wee hours because of insomnia. I took a Benadryl to try to knock myself out and it still took nearly an hour to kick in. I think I finally fell asleep at 8am. I slept until the early afternoon and then I went into kitchen to mix the fruit I got at yesterday's tasting into fruit rolls. I then went into the garden to pull some weeds, prune some invasives, and water the plants. Just doing that has exhausted me. I'm ready to go to sleep again. But I'm clearly not getting physically exhausted enough because that's probably what's causing the insomnia. Tired tired tired.

Anyway, I've been very good about my food intake, I think. Especially when we were in the Central Valley yesterday and stopped for gas. I wanted an ice cream sooooo badly. I didn't pick one up. Furthermore, when I found I couldn't find anything dietetic that didn't have caffeine, I reluctantly bought a plain ol' water (reluctant only because I hate paying for water). I'll have to be careful about how many fruit rolls I actually eat of what I'm making. There's no added sugar, but my insulin resistance is bad enough that I even have to limit how much fruit I can have.


Jul. 19th, 2008 07:34 pm
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Issues about my own childhood are probably to blame for making me such a grouch around kids as a grown-up. But there are genuinely annoying things, too. Like I can hardly count the times someone has brought their kid to my yard and fruit & plants have been picked without permission. Now, parents think I'm out of line for not understanding that kids make mistakes, test boundaries, etc. Actually, I understand that they do. That's one of the many reasons I don't have kids. You may have made the choice for yourself but when you bring your kid to my house and don't watch them well, you're visiting your choice upon ME.

I just had a housecleaner come by to look at the place. She had to look before giving me an estimate. She made no mention that she'd have kids with her. So she parked illegally across my driveway and started ascending the stairs. I had to rein in my impulse to tell her that I was no longer interested in getting an estimate from her. The kids came in and asked where the bathroom was. Honestly, they were reasonably well-behaved but as I was talking with the housecleaner, I could hear a pop and another pop. The kids had discovered some bubblewrap I had waiting to be reused. Without asking, they started popping it. Now, that shit drives me insane. There is NO WAY that I would have done that when I was their age (I'm guessing these girls were 11). The mother did not notice it or make an attempt to tell the kids not to touch things that weren't theirs. I asked the kids if they wanted the bubblewrap and they gladly took it.

I just have a really hard time with bad behavior. It's bad enough that it's in the world at large but my home is supposed to be a refuge from that.


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